What's Your Passion?

Don't get me started on the stock conversation. Oh wait, do get me started on the stock conversation because that shit needs to change. Ok. So if you don't know the term "stock conversation" I'll give you an example. Take for example, Mike and Steve. Mike and Steve live one floor apart in the same dorm, they have one class together, and they're both members of the college democratic club. They're on good terms, but they aren't really friends. An average conversation between the two, if they say, happened to run into each other on the way to class, would look like this:

M: Hey, how's it going?
S: It's good, it's good. How bout you?
M: Not bad. My legs are really sore from practice yesterday though.
S: Basketball, right?
M: Yeah
S: Yeah, that seems like it would be real tough. Hey, did you do the problem set?
M: About half of it, I faked the rest
S: Oh yeah, me to BLAH BLAH BLAH

Notice how they managed to basically talk about nothing the entire time. Neither of them will come out of that conversation particularly impressed with the other, and they will remain mere acquaintances forever until someone breaks the ice. Welcome to the stock conversation. You have probably at least 25 a day. You don't like them, but they're better than the alternative of just saying nothing. Or is there another option? Is there a way you can actually talk about something for once?

Enter "What's your passion?" It's basically a joke, but not really. It came about when I was trying to think of a way to have an interesting conversation with the custodians that clean my building. I mean, I don't particularly care how there day is going or who they're going to vote for, I want to know if they used to be lumberjacks or dated a bank robber, or can draw extremely convincing sketches of woodland creatures. So the idea came up to just say, "what's your passion?" to them, and see how they respond. You don't have to use those words exactly, but the idea is to make some sort of question or statement that dislodges the avalanche of truth and knowledge that the average person holds back in the stock conversation.

I mean, think about all the best conversations you've ever had. Were they about homework or classes, or were they when your friend told you he likes to make engines out of scrap he finds at the dump, just because he likes the idea of making something from nothing. You never know who's a badass until you ask.

Now if you're like me, you've probably noticed that you've had a lot of your best conversations when you're drunk and high. Why do you think this is? It's cause your goddamn stock conversation inhibitions go out the window and you're not afraid to ask or answer the kind of insightful question that would make you feel awkward when you're sober. Well fuck that. Just ask those kind of questions all the time and have those kind of conversation and discover all those friends you're too much of a pussy to make. Otherwise it's just a waste of time.

Guitar Hero

If you're roughly my age and live anywhere in America, you've probably played, watched, or at least heard about Guitar Hero. In case you're in the dark, Guitar Hero is a series of video games that started with the original Guitar Hero, released in November 2005. The game fed off the popularity of unorthodox controllers started by Dance Dance Revolution and used a guitar-shaped controller to simulate actual guitar playing.

The series has taken off from there growing to get more and more popular, as well as a staple of any college's dorm life. If you're in a college dorm right now, think about how many feet away from the nearest guitar hero set-up you are. Right now I'm 25 feet away from one (two floors above my room) and about 80 feet from another (down the hall), it's ridiculous. So, as you may imagine, being good at Guitar Hero is a very important status symbol, so here are some tips to help you get good and look cool:

1. Unless you're in a social setting where you need to show off, play the highest difficulty you can barely survive at. You don't get good by playing songs on Easy perfectly. You get good by eeking out Free Bird on Hard.

2. Don't be afraid to use Practice mode, it's a great way to nail a hard part of a song that gives you trouble.

3. Choose your party song. The most important thing is to find the right party song. Most parties and social gatherings where you play guitar hero will have you waiting in line just to play one song. Your party song is that one song. You just have to go in there and nail it near perfectly on Expert, possibly adding some complementary dance moves. No one has to know you played that one part of the solo on repeat in Practice mode for 2 hours. They just see you kicking ass. You should try to have one party song for each volume of Guitar Hero, and it should follow these criteria:

a. Recognizable, at least by a few people
b. Catchy riff (songs that are just chords are boring)
c. Difficult/Badass solo (this is how you impress people)

My songs are More Than a Feeling for Guitar Hero, Sweet Child o' Mine for Guitar Hero 2, and Cliffs of Dover for Guitar Hero 3. They're definitely solid.


But enough of that, time for some sweet videos. This first one is a guy playing Through the Fire and Flames, the hardest Guitar Hero song ever, on Expert. Prepare to be humbled:



And here's an 8-year-old that's probably better than you. Half showmanship, half skill, all second-grader.