Japanese Haircut: Great Success

There comes a time in every man's life when he needs to get the most popular haircut in Japan. For me, that time was yesterday. I returned to the same guy that cut my hair last time I was in Yamanouchi. I don't know his name, but everyone in my family calls him masuta- (master). He's basically really good at cutting hair. My picture on the wall of his store twice and on his website here. It's a pretty brilliant photo from last year. Be impressed.

So I followed my own advice on getting a Japanese haircut, and studied some vocabulary before I left. During the haircut, I noticed he was trying to ask me something about my bangs, and he was happily surprised when I said, "maegami wa nagai hou ga ii" or "You can leave my bangs long." It was awesome. When he asked me what kind of style I wanted, I answered "jouhinna katto hoshi, ima nihon de nani ha ninki ga aru?" meaning, "I want a stylish haircut, what's popular in Japan right now?" He proceeded to describe the haircut I have now, to which I happily agreed. Rather than describe it to you, I think I'll just show you:






That last one is me and the master. That's one for the fridge. I'll let you guys know as soon as he puts new pictures up on his site.

Two Useful Tidbits of Japanese

Here are two really useful tidbits of Japanese that I didn't really know until yesterday. You'd be surprised how often they come up in conversation and how useful they can be:

1. 結構（な） kekkou (na). Kekkou is a Na-adjective that means good, decent, enough, or sufficient depending on the situation. The best use, and I can't believe I didn't know this until recently, is as "no, thank you" to either that third bowl of rice or watching Harry Potter 5 for the fourth time. Just say kekkou desu and all your problems will go away. Speaking of Harry Potter 5, it also has the word kekkou in the translated version. It occurs when Umbridge asks Professor Trelawney to predict something, and all she manages to come up with is to say Umbridge is in great danger. Umbridge replies with "kekkou" meaning "That will suffice," which also has the connotations that it's just decent, and not great. I've watched Harry Potter 5 twice in the past two days, once in English with Japanese subtitles and once in Japanese with no subs. It was ok not having English subs for the Japanese dub because I was so familiar with the movie, but I recommend using subtitles if you are watching for the first time. That being said, watching in Japanese is way more effective than reading Japanese subtitles to improve your language skills. No one wants to read more than they have to, so trying to figure out what they're saying is much more fun than trying to guess what the Kanji for transfiguration is. Watch the characters mouths and ask for explanations if you get lost. Japanese people are nice, and they get excited about foreigners learning their language. Help will be easy to come by.

2. -っぽい　(-ppoi). This one is tough because it's not really a word and you won't be able to find it in a dictionary. Also, because it's a more colloquial suffix, you probably will have a tough time finding a textbook containing it. It's basically a suffix that is the English equivalent of "-esque," "-like," or "-ish." For example, if you saw a man walking down the street wearing a pink shirt and make-up, and carrying a purse, you might say that he is feminine, or in Japanese, onnappoi. Another example, let's say your friend Jim always wears plaid button-down shirts. If you were in a store and saw a plaid button-down shirt, you might say it was jimuppoi or Jim-esque. A third example, let's say your friend Anna always has at least 3 bowls of rice at every meal. One night, you eat 5 bowls of rice and your friends call your mammoth apetite annappoi, or anna-like. You get the idea. It's a really useful phrase and now that I know it, I hear it often in everyday conversation. Feel free to come up with creative uses for it and post them here. I admit my knowledge is limited.

Oh yeah, remember when I said you would't be able to find -ppoi in a text book. Well I did. It's called 13 Secrets for Speaking Fluent Japanese by Giles Murray. This book basically kicks ass. Each secret has it's own chapter and they range from manga translation, to children's word games, to detailed explanations and histories for some of the more interesting loan words. The chapters I found most useful were the chapter containing 41 prefixes and suffixes you probably won't find in textbooks (like -ppoi), and the synonym generator chapter, which teaches you four other ways of replacing a word you don't know, so your conversations can go more fluidly without a dictionary. I have started applying these secrets in conversation and my Japanese has gotten noticeably better. This book is an excellent supplement to any highschool or college level class. I highly recommend.

Well, that was a very educational post. Now take a break with this heartwarming video of one of Japan's top ranked sumo wrestlers not taking shit from children:

Skiing in Japan: A Struggle

Speaking a foreign language is tiring, so I usually indulge in 10-11 hours of sleep a night, but this morning a mustered my willpower and got out of my fleece-blanketed futon at 9 AM. This gave me enough time to eat one of my host mom's ridiculously large breakfasts: 2 bowls of rice with konbu (kelp), 2 bowls of miso soup, salad, sausages, tamago-yaki (an extra-delicious variant of scrambled eggs), ham, boiled vegetables, and an-pan (bread filled with red bean paste= DELICIOUS!!!). For another take on Japanese breakfast, check this out (Warning: Excessive Profanity).

From there it was off to the slopes with my dad for my first time skiing in 9 years. Because we rented all our skiing equipment earlier, we just had to head straight up to the mountain we chose to ski on. Now being the super-hip-hop cool dude that I am, I decided that it would be SUPERFLY to bring my camera along to take some RIGHTEOUS photos without the help of my MEMORY CARD which I left in the COMPUTER! Yeah, that's why I don't have any photos. Face Todd, face. But, my dad took some killer shots of me learning how to sky, which brings me to our ski-jou (place to ski), Yakebitai-yama (yama means mountain if you aren't familiar with the go).

We proceeded to strap on our gear and head to the Gondola lift. This lift is a Swiss-Made capsule lift, meaning that the cold can't get into your little bubble of warmth, which was pretty nice, I have to say. My dad knows somebody at the lift station, so we were able to "borrow" (Japanese for not pay for) some lift passes for the day. Once we got in the lift we started heading up the mountain. Having only been on a bunny hill before, I began to grow increasingly frightened when the lift kept going higher and higher with no sign of the other lift station. To banish my fear, my dad took some pictures (his camera makes a gunshot noise whenever he takes a picture, it's hilarious). The results were something like this:




When we finally left the lift at the highest point on the mountain, neither of us realized quite how long it would be before we saw the lift again. Now I wouldn't say I was bad at skiing, oh wait, yes I would, I was shit awful. After spending the obligatory 10 minutes to put my skies on, I proceeded to lose control of my speed and fly into a snow embankment on the very first...it wasn't steep enough to call it a hill or a slope, yeah, we'll just say I bit it on the very first inclined plane. From there , it didn't get much better. If I had to describe my skiing style, I'd call it a constant effort to reach the fetal position, but being thwarted by the rigid plastic of my boots. My dad kept trying to get me to put my weight back and keep my back straight but fuck that, I fetal-ed my way down the first half of that mountain and my skies only came off three times. Hell Yeah. This should give you a rough idea:

After that, we came upon a slope that we (successfully) determined was much too dangerous. Which brings me to an undiscovered event I plan to submit to the Winter Olympics, Boot Skiing. It's pretty much exactly what it sounds like. It's just like skiing except without the skees, danger, and potential for FUN:

Unrelated. I know. But there wasn't the actual clip from the show on YouTube, and this is way funnier than any picture montage. But Boot Skiing. Was actually the most fun I had on the first run, because many of the same principle as skiing apply, it's just easier, slower, and falling down is fun rather than a pain in the ass. When we reached the bottom the steep slope, I put on my skees and 15 minutes later I was back to my earlier inadequacy. We had some lunch (Chicken Curry) at the lodge when we reached the bottom, and you know what it tasted like? It tasted like failure:

Yeah, well I don't like failure. So after lunch I insisted we go and do the same slope again. This time I TOOK NO PRISONERS RAWRGGHHRA:




You can almost taste the improvement. But really, I did get a lot better, and we even went a third time. It started to be really fun once I figured out how to slow down and turn at the same time (the key is lowering your shoulder). It ended up being a lot of fun, and I'm really excited to go again this weekend. When we got back home, we were both really pooped, but I had the energy to get my SD from the computer and take this epic picture of my dad sleeping like a rock star:


Laterz.

A Gaijin's Guide to Japanese Baths

"天国だ” (tengoku da, this is heaven) is what we found ourselves saying when my dad and I slipped into the piping hot bath or sento. Now this might be up for some contention, what with falling in love and winning a marathon and that shit, but I think going from being naked in below freezing temperatures to being in a really hot bath is probably the best feeling in the world. Now if you're in Japan, you're going to have a couple of bathing options:
１. 温泉　onsen, or hot spring
2. 銭湯　sento, or public bath
3. Take a bath (ofuro) at home
4. Take a shower (BOOOOOO!)

The bath I go to with my dad is kind of a mix of the first three. It's mainly a sentou because we don't have it all to ourselves, but it is semi-private because we have to use a key to get in, and it's also fed by the kakumaonsen (kakuma hot springs). So really, any of onsen, sento, and ofuro is correct, so we just call it the ofuro.

Alright, now it's time to head to the sento. First thing upon entering is you'll have to take off your shoes and put them in the in the shoe racks, as with anywhere in Japan. Next, you'll have to strip down and put all of your clothes and accessories in whatever storage area your particular sento provides, be it baskets or cubbies or boxes. Whatever you do, DON'T BE AWKWARD when taking off your clothes. It will really show that you are uncomfortable with Japanese bathing traditions, and make everyone else uncomfortable too. Just be naked and enjoy it! Now if you're going to the bathhouse, there are some key materials you need to bring with you:

From left to right: large bath towel for drying, smaller long towel for use as a washcloth, soap, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, Crest toothpaste with Scope (and Whitening!), and dentist approved hygienic toothpicks. Additionally, you will need a bathing bucket (senmenki), but you will always be able to find one at the sento.

A foreigner might be perplexed by the length of the washcloth used in Japan. The American counterpart is usually a fifth of the length, but we still get clean don't we? Well, this way, like most Japanese things, is just better. You put soap on the long towel, then grab the ends with both hands and wash your body like a shoe shiner polishing shoes. You will happily discover that there is no spot you can't reach. This cleaning can take place either before or after your first dip in the bath, depending on the formality. You always want to at least wet yourself down using the bucket (or shower heads if available), before entering, and also make sure you WASH OFF ALL SOAP before getting in. Just remember, it's everyone's water. Be respectful.

Getting in the bath will be a struggle at first because it will be VERY HOT, especially to foreigner. The hot water usually comes out of some sort of decorative rock structure or wood carving. It should be easy to find. If you're worried about the heat, try to sit opposite the source of the hot water. There's also usually a spigot for cold water, in order to lower the temperature of the bath. NEVER USE COLD WATER. If you can't take the heat, get out of Japan. Japanese people usually like the bath to be as hot as possible, and if it's too hot someone else will turn on the cold water. If you use it, you inconvenience everyone else, and you make yourself look like even more of a gaijin (foreigner).

It's alright to take your time to get in, and when you finally get settled, try saying something like tengoku da (this is heaven) or ii kimochi (this feels great). Talking to people at the public bath is great fun, and I highly recommend it. You can meet all kinds of people you wouldn't run into on a daily basis. For example, my dad's middle school math teacher frequents the same bath we do, so we often see him and talk about my dad's school days and the state of Japanese education. The other day, we bathed with a guy who remembered bathing with me last time I was there, a year and a half ago. Being naked in a hot tub together is a special bond, and one that should be cherished.

After your initial dip, it's time to wash your hair and brush your teeth. These are pretty straightforward procedures, just follow the general rule of "nothing in the bath but water and people." So be careful with your sudsy hands. There are faucets on the sides for clean water to use to brush your teeth. You can also shave in front of one of the mirrors, just make sure you don't cut yourself, it's a mess and it makes the bath really unsanitary. After you're done all that, take a dentally hygienic toothpick and clean your teeth back in the tub. Very satisfying.

Now before we leave the sento, I'm going to cover two of the more embarrassing situations that can arise at a public bath:

1. You really have to pee. I can't stress enough how important it is to PEE BEFORE GOING TO THE BATH. You will really have no choice but to hold it, which will make your bathing experience a challenge rather than a relaxing time. I know there are drains all over the room, but just don't think about it. If you can't hold it, leave early and find a toilet or somewhere outside. It's like that prank where you put someone's hand in warm water, except it's your whole body. It will take all of your willpower to hold it. Just go before.

2. Involuntary erection. I'm sorry to be crude, but this is a legitimate threat. Warm soapy water spread on certain erogenous zones can cause blood to flow to certain places. Now, if you feel you might have one coming, don't take any chances and get in the water. Its nearly impossible (and extremely painful) to spring one in really hot water, but as an additional defensive maneuver think about something both interesting, and non-sexual, like your favorite football team or that episode of Emeril you saw last month. I've never had this happen, but I can only imagine the social fallout.

Okay. Now that you know how to avert disaster, you can safely leave your sento and head out for a drink. Me and my dad always go to this nice family bar run by one of his friends. I recommend having a hot cup of tea followed by a nice cold beer (Asahi Super Dry is a good one). We always leave for the bath at around 10:30 PM, so it's a great way to end your night and it really prepares you for bed. Nothing tastes better than a post-bath beer. Kanpai!