World of World of Warcraft

I didn't mean to jump in right in front of Jeff's post, but this is just too good. Please scroll down and read about they Wonder/Travesty that is Volo, IL. And by please scroll down I mean after you watch this (make sure you watch to the end, there are two clips):


'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'

No Viva La Volo

Hey Everybody, as Todd mentioned previously, there is a new contributor on board. As you may have guessed, that contributor is me. My name is Jeff. I'm a sophomore at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and am currently studying History. The Toddster and I go back and have quite a few stories together. We also played in the critically-acclaimed high school band, Scrumtrilescent. But enough of me. The time has come. Ladies and gentlemen, I now present you with, The Volo Auto Museum: A tale of anticipation, David Hasslehoff, and comical amounts of blood.
One Saturday afternoon, Todd, Ken, and I ventured to the North West suburb of Volo, Illinois. Ken, Todd's friend from Japan, was staying with Todd for a few weeks so we planned various tourist activities to give Ken a memorable experience of America. With Google Maps on our side, we were unstoppable.
The madness started before we even arrived at the auto museum. As we traveled northbound on Rand Rd, we encountered a n odd little intersection. We couldn't believe it when we passed by Rand and Old Rand Rd. At first, our reactions were, "huh, that's interesting, I guess they just got lazy with the road names but no big deal. " But then, things started to get crazy. Every few minutes, we traveled by yet another intersection of Rand and Old Rand Rd. In fact, during the trip, there was a total of five of the exact same intersections. On the Google map, all of the five yellow flags are separate intersections of Rand and Old Rand Rd. Our evidence leads us to this conclusion: Volo, IL contains some sort of black hole and Old Rand Rd. is a dark and mysterious apex of the universe.
We arrived at the auto museum confused and slightly shaken up but we managed. Ken, a huge fan of classic American muscle cars, was ready to begin sight-seeing. Not only does Volo contain hundreds of American roadsters, the museum has a section dedicated to Hollywood cars as well. We're talkin' about all the cars from tv and movies that everyone recognizes. We were graced by the presence of the Batcar, the Delorean (Back to the Future) and of course, the original KITT from Hasslehoff's 80's action-series Nightrider. But the fun doesn't stop here at the Volo Auto Museum!
Unfortunately, Volo also has a Military Adventure Museum. It's not as fun as it sounds. For example, the "Adventure" aspect is more of a haunted house. But instead of cheesy scare tactics and surprise monsters, you walk through a faux-warzone with tanks, soldiers, and annoyingly loud gunfire constantly ringing. Yep. Volo's got "Military Adventure" written all over it. And what could be better for the kids than walking by an exhibit depicting a medical unit in Vietnam? Better yet, the kids get to see a soldier with missing legs and another one with severe burns. In addition, education comes as an "unnoticed bonus" in the Combat Zone. Almost as bad as the Combat Zone was the artifacts museum. Not only do they collect cars in Volo, Il, but they also collect racist government propaganda from World War II! I knew we had to leave when we passed by the section with multiple anti-Japanese news clippings with racist depictions. There's nothing like visiting a country only to find out just how much their leaders used to hate your kind in the past. Poor ken...
After the Military Adventure Museum, we quickly made our way to the grossly overpriced gift-shop, the Mercantile Mall. Here, you could buy all the crappy antiques that flooded your grandparent's home, except for much more than they're worth. As we've learned from Volo before, there's always something for the kids. Inside the Mercantile Mall, there's a small videogame shop. Here, you can purchase an array of old games for ridiculously inflated prices. Old original GameBoy games for $25. For some reason, we all just knew it was time to cut our losses at the Volo Auto Museum.
On the way out on good 'ol Rand Rd, we spotted a mini-golf course. It looked fun, so we gave it a shot. Turns out, the course was sub-par (alright, that's the end of the puns, I swear). For all 18 holes, there was a simple way that each of them were built: lay some fake grass over cement, randomly place a stone on the grass, cut out a section of the grass (instead of sand-traps, there were cement-traps!) and finally, line the hole with bricks. Somehow, I managed to stub my toe on one of the bricks that lined the hole and I started bleeding all over the course. But all in all, it was still a successful trip to Volo, Il. Ken got to see his cars and Todd posed with KITT. Volo, Il is an interesting little place that seems to be stuck in the past and for the most part, I think I'll leave it there.

-Jeff

A New Era

Alright you guys, I've been doing a ton of writing lately for the paper, my Japanese blog, and now my new job as a writer for a poker website. Because of all this, the old Todd blog has been getting a bit of the shaft lately.

Well it's time for things to change. It's time for a new era.

It's time for.... (duh, duh, DUH!) ... a new contributor.

That's right, it's not just my show any more. But that doesn't mean the old blog's gonna go down the chutes. No, no. I haven't even told you who it's gonna be yet. That's right, it's my boy Jeff.

Jeff has been my co-conspirator in many a ridiculous adventure, such as The Backpack Party which you may remember from New Year's, or the pillar of glory that is Heidkamping. He also took part in a ridiculous adventure we had on Saturday, but I'll let him tell you about that himself.

A new era is rising.

Todd Hits the Presses

Yes! Validation! My first ever printed thing in a newspaper came out today, a review of Kung Fu Panda. This summer I'm working two days a week for a newspaper in the south suburbs of Chicago. I do lots of odds and ends including fact checking, copy editing, reporting, and now writing movie reviews. It's pretty sweet. Anyway, here's my review of Kung Fu Panda:

You'll get a kick out of 'Kung Fu Panda'

If you find yourself waiting in line for a sold-out showing of the new Pixar film, Wall-E, check out another family-friendly, computer-generated flick.

"Kung Fu Panda" tells the story of Po (Jack Black), a portly, noodle-serving panda who is accidentally chosen to be "Dragon Warrior," the kung fu guardian of his homeland.

Critics have knocked the film for having a predictable plot, and this is far from the first DreamWorks picture with a zoological rainbow of celebrity-voiced characters. Yet, the time-honored "inadequate hero rises to the challenge through hard work" template is perfectly executed with an inspirational moral attached, and really works as a backdrop for the film's nonstop laughs.

While kids crack-up at Po's Homer Simpson-esque, slapstick suffering, the satire of kung fu films will delight any martial arts buff. Like the "sword of heroes," which is so sharp you can cut yourself just by looking at it, the film's razor wit will put teens and adults in fits.

Black's enthusiasm in conveying Po sounds completely natural for a giddy panda. So do Po's kung fu idols: "The Furious Five," are voiced by Angelina Jolie, David Cross, Seth Rogan, Lucy Liu and Jackie Chan, but the minimal lines and character development given to these stars makes you wish for a three-hour film.

The best thing I can say about "Kung Fu Panda" is that there's never a dull moment. You're either laughing at the gags or gaping at the gorgeous fight scenes -- and frequently both. With kids or with friends, it's hard not to get a kick out of this film.

- Todd ####### (last name withheld for copyright reasons. Just kidding. I just don't like stalkers)

So who's cool now, oh yeah, that's right, it's me. Always.