Guitar Hero

If you're roughly my age and live anywhere in America, you've probably played, watched, or at least heard about Guitar Hero. In case you're in the dark, Guitar Hero is a series of video games that started with the original Guitar Hero, released in November 2005. The game fed off the popularity of unorthodox controllers started by Dance Dance Revolution and used a guitar-shaped controller to simulate actual guitar playing.

The series has taken off from there growing to get more and more popular, as well as a staple of any college's dorm life. If you're in a college dorm right now, think about how many feet away from the nearest guitar hero set-up you are. Right now I'm 25 feet away from one (two floors above my room) and about 80 feet from another (down the hall), it's ridiculous. So, as you may imagine, being good at Guitar Hero is a very important status symbol, so here are some tips to help you get good and look cool:

1. Unless you're in a social setting where you need to show off, play the highest difficulty you can barely survive at. You don't get good by playing songs on Easy perfectly. You get good by eeking out Free Bird on Hard.

2. Don't be afraid to use Practice mode, it's a great way to nail a hard part of a song that gives you trouble.

3. Choose your party song. The most important thing is to find the right party song. Most parties and social gatherings where you play guitar hero will have you waiting in line just to play one song. Your party song is that one song. You just have to go in there and nail it near perfectly on Expert, possibly adding some complementary dance moves. No one has to know you played that one part of the solo on repeat in Practice mode for 2 hours. They just see you kicking ass. You should try to have one party song for each volume of Guitar Hero, and it should follow these criteria:

a. Recognizable, at least by a few people
b. Catchy riff (songs that are just chords are boring)
c. Difficult/Badass solo (this is how you impress people)

My songs are More Than a Feeling for Guitar Hero, Sweet Child o' Mine for Guitar Hero 2, and Cliffs of Dover for Guitar Hero 3. They're definitely solid.


But enough of that, time for some sweet videos. This first one is a guy playing Through the Fire and Flames, the hardest Guitar Hero song ever, on Expert. Prepare to be humbled:



And here's an 8-year-old that's probably better than you. Half showmanship, half skill, all second-grader.

The Backpack Party: How to Have a Successful Night Out

You're gonna need the following things:

2 Backpacks
1 Large winter coat
40 Beers
2 Glasses
2 Half-Pints of Scotch
1 Half-Pint of Vodka
2 Packs of cigarettes
1 Lighter
2 Decks of naked lady playing cards (for Nagano Snatch)
3 Books of Poetry
1 Really Good Friend

So me and my buddy Jeff were driving around at about 7 on New Year's Eve. We decided it would be a good time to stock up on provisions for the night, so we used our time-honored technique of paying someone on their way in to a liquor store to buy us alcohol. That's where Broderick comes in. Broderick was a poor guy outside the liquor store asking for someone to help him get a drink for new years. We went up and told him our plight, and he bought us the three half-pints. Then we gave him $12 to buy himself a bottle of vodka. Then it was off to White Hen Pantry for some cigarettes, then back on the road.

Let me give you a brief aside about ciagarettes. Now don't get me wrong, I went through DARE just like the rest of you, so I know why cigarettes are bad. But I don't smoke for the nicotine, I smoke to be cool, or at least that's what I call it. Sometimes you're just waiting outside for something, and you could just be doing nothing, OR you could be smoking a cigarette, which makes it look like your smoking a cig not waiting around awkwardly. Relevant example: after we bought the alcohol and were dropping Jeff's car off at his house. I was given the mission of guarding the stuff outside, because he didn't want his parents to see. So I'm outside, waiting around looking suspicious, right until I start smoking. Then all the cars driving down the alley don't see a creepy guy, they see a guy on a smoke break. Word.

Back to a successful night out. We had both been getting calls all night from people looking for a party to go to, we were kind of unsure of what was going to happen because the party we were going to go to originally was canceled at the last minute. So we decided on The Backpack Party. This plan was just so perfect. Basically we loaded up our backpacks with PBR we had purchased a few days earlier, as well as some nicer beers (Yebisu) and some glasses to drink them out of. Then we got all the other materials listed above and distributed them between our packs and coats, and then we had done it. We had become a party. We had everything you could ever hope to have at a party, substances to abuse, games, poetry, and of course, each other. I highly recommend this strategy for any night you want to drink and have fun, but you aren't sure if there's going to be a good party. Just be a party yourself, and the night just CANNOT be a failure.

So we set out on our trek. Whenever one of us finished a beer, we'd walk down an alley and throw it away, then grab another one out of the other person's backpack. It's just a great way to travel and talk. There was tons of snow everywhere, and it was really pretty, which reminds me, dress warmly. We each had one glove (for opening cans) and one mitten. We were so warm and happy. Also scotch is a good choice for warmth.

About 3 beers in, we ran into some drunk high school friends of ours, who were walking to a party about a mile away. We took this as a sign and traveled with them on their merry way. We weren't sure how cool this party would be, so we developed ridiculous exit cues. If I wanted to leave, I would ask Jeff if he saw that broken glass outside. If he also wanted to leave, he would say "Yeah, that looked really dangerous" and if not he would say "Nah, it was probably just ice."
If Jeff wanted to leave, he would ask "Hey Todd, have you caught a wild Bidoof (Pokemon Pearl) yet?" If I wanted to leave, "Yeah, it's level 10 already," if not "No, still working on it. Gotta level up some more." If we decided we both wanted to leave we would sneak out at the next gap in conversation. Too bad we never used them.

So we got to this party and had a stereotypically fun New Year's, with lots of substance abuse, regrettable decisions, and long-time-no-sees. Then it was time for a walk home in the cold with this kid I always had assumed hated me, but through some miscommunication, he always thought I hated him. So we patched that shit up, and now we're basically friends. Which is what new year's is all about.

Also, I leave for Carleton tomorrow, so my posts will probably become more sporadic depending on my workload/alcohol intake. Stay tuned though. The fun does not stop here.